


She lied

by AnneMayfair



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, other characters are only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 19:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6206842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneMayfair/pseuds/AnneMayfair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Where's Hawke?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	She lied

Somebody tossed a few pinecones into the fire. Now it emitted a fresh aroma Varric would appreciate if it was any other day. But right now he wanted to punch the servant who did so. His mood was...

Well, it was rather shitty.

He did not speak to the Inquisitor. He ignored Cassandra's painful expression. He rushed past sympathetic Blackwall and Cole. The last thing he wanted was pity. Or compassion, for that matter. Grinding his teeth, he wanted nothing but time to mourn and think.

Hawke was dead.

Chances are that she is dead. She dodged a number of near-death encounters before, but this was different. Although Solas explained him what happened twice, he only understood one thing. Hawke was gone, body and soul. And there is a chance that neither will ever come back.

Crossing his arms on his chest, Varric stared into the fire. Pinecones and logs. It reminded him of Hawke - apparently, many Fereldans did that. Furrowing his brows, Varric tried his hardest to focus and mourn. But all he could think of was a single night that happened long ago.

 

_**It started at "The Hanged Man".** _

Like many times before, the entire gang crashed here after a long and exhausting trip to the Sundermount. While Isabela stayed drinking at the bar, Anders, Hawke, and Varric were getting their dose of wine at Varric's rooms.

He should have suspected something when Anders left and Hawke stayed. She was a night dweller, that is for sure, but she never stayed up after calling up a storm. Literally. Moreover, she was drinking. More than she usually did. He should have suspected something. But Varric enjoyed her new playfullness. Sweet wine and fruit lightened the air around Hawke, and Varric could spin a tale or two. And she believed them all.

"I do not believe you," Hawke's laughter disrupted her breathing as she lost grip on her empty tankard. "It can't be real!"

"I shit you not," Varric smiled into his own drink. "There I stood, shocked as ever. And _his_ pants were down, and his _sword_ was stuck in the pot."

Laughing, Hawke collapsed on the table, her shoulders shaking violently. Satisfied with the result, Varric overturned Hawke's tankard and poured more wine. When she rose up, her cheeks were flushed with bright red. Her eyes glistened in candlelight. Throwing her black hair away from her face, Anna fanned herself with one hand.

"Oh, Maker, Varric, how much are you an hour?"

"For you, love, I work for free," he replied, sliding the full tankard towards Hawke.

He should have suspected something when her fingers brushed against his for a moment longer than they usually did.

They raised their tankards and toasted to Isabela, who, judging by the sounds, was engaging in a jolly bar fistfight. Anna merrily told Varric how she already had the money to pay Bartrand, and expressed her concern about taking Carver to the Deep Roads. At the mention of the place Varric could almost hear the Blondie moaning - upon agreement, both Varric and Hawke were enthusiastically suggesting for Anders to join the expedition. It was no easy task. Blondie did not like the idea at all.

"A toast," Varric started again after a bit of an awkward silence.. Ths conversation seemed to die down. "To our..."

"To you," Anna interrupted him.

Before the dwarf could ever finish, Anna spoke, leaned forwards, and... She kissed him. Varric almost unknowingly kissed her back, tasting the sweet wine on her tongue. But as his mind realized what was happening, Varric placed his hand on her shoulder, and gently pushed Hawke away.

He caught a sight of flustered Hawke with her reddened lips and disheveled hair. He saw warmth that bordered with passion in her eyes, and inside of him he felt the urge to draw closer to her and kiss her on his own. He did want for whatever this was to continue. But he mustn't. This is not one of his stories, shitty or not. This was...

"This is _interesting_ ," he murmured, hearing his own voice and biting his tongue. He sounded way angrier than he wanted to.

With a heavy heart, Varric glanced at Hawke. She looked lost and confused. He could quite literally feel his heart skip a beat. After a few moments of tense silence, Anna finally spoke:

"I am... I am so sorry, Varric. I shouldn't have..."

"No, no, it's fine," Varric interrupted her. "I am just..."

"Oh, Maker!" Like a child, Hawke covered her mouth with her hands in terror. "I am _so_ sorry! You're already seeing someone! I did not mean to..."

"No!" Varric hasted to stop her before she thinks up something ridiculous. "I am not seeing anyone. Well, not really."

"I still shouldn't have... Kissed you."

Varric sighed. This was not something he was prepared for. But having saved Hawke's life a few times, and with her saving his, he was debating whether it was wise to share.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized again. Varric waved her off, knowing very well that if not stopped, she could apologize for hours.

"Well, you had every reason to even try," he felt his lips curling into a smile. "After all, I am irresistible."

She moved away from Varric, tucking a lock behind her ear. Her intense blush turned Hawke's face to a bright red color, and her eyes were fixed on the light in the fireplace. Varric was clearing his throat more times than it was necessary. In the end, he decided:

"Listen, Hawke, I..."

"Is it me?"

"What?" The dwarf was honestly baffled with this question. How could Hawke even suggest such a thing? "What do you mean?"

"Well, maybe I did something else wrong," she continued, raising her eyes to Varric. "Or maybe you just don't like me. I mean, you don't like me in the way I like you. Or you don't _like_ people like me... Andraste's flames, I sound like Merrill."

"A bit," admitted Varric. "But again, there is nothing wrong with you, Hawke. You are a kind, gorgeous, and a deadly woman, and I would gladly... I am _. Shit._ I would be with you if I was free."

"So you are dating already," Hawke's voice kept getting quieter.

"I'm not," Varric shook his head. Noticing her utterly confused expression, Varric placed both of his hands around his drink, and downed it in one go. "It's complicated."

 

The fire in the fireplace nearly died. Hawke tossed in a few pieces of firewood and a couple of pinecones. When Varric asked why she did it, she calmly replied that they smell good when burning. Writing it off as one of those weird customs of doglords, Varric waited for her to sit back at his table. Now she looked like her usual self - calm, almost tranquil in her expression and voice. She was thinking. He could always tell. She had a habit of looking to the right when she did so, slightly tilting her head in the same direction. What he told her was indeed some food for thought.

"That is the end of my story," he said bitterly, pushing an empty wine bottle away from himself. There was still some wine in Hawke's tankard. The mage kept rotating it in her hands. Varric wondered what was her verdict.

"I see," she sounded out soothingly, her eyes holding on Bianca's surface for a brief moment. Varric wanted to say that he was sorry to throw all his own bullshit on her, but he didn't.

Talking with Hawke always made him feel better. Tonight was different. Maybe because he knew he made her sad. Maybe because he told her something so personal for the first time. Either way, instead of familiar lightness in his heart, it felt heavy.

With her pinky, Hawke smudged the red imprint of her lips from the edge of the tankard. She firmly put it on the table and with a sudden motion, rose up from her chair.

"It is late," she looked around and grabbed her staff. With another single movement she fixed it on her holder. "I should probably let you rest. I would lie if I said I wasn't tired myself after today."

Varric watched her in awe. She straightened her robes and was fixing the hood on her head when he jumped from his own seat and walked up to her.

"And you won't even punch me?"

"Why?" Hawke's eyebrows shot up.

"Call me a nug-humping dung-eater?" Suggested Varric.

"Why would I do that?" The woman's voice cracked as she stared at Varric in disbelief.

"I don't know, because I lead you on and hurt you when you came open with your feelings?" Shrugged Varric.

"Varric!" Exclaimed Hawke.

"Aren't you even just a little mad?" He inquired, looking her in the eyes, searching for a little spark that would indicate that she was. But all he could see was sympathy and kindness. All passion and desire of a lover disappeared by now, and his friend was before him like always.

"Varric, I won't be mad at you for being in love with somebody else," she laughed shortly, but her voice betrayed her. She sounded almost sad.

Varric wanted to punch himself in the face. And if he didn't feel bad enough already, she leaned down and kissed him on the forehead like she did sometimes. It took all he had to supress his urge to touch her elbows, to hug her. Something felt almost wrong.

"I will walk you home," he declared, grabbing his coat.

"I can walk myself home," she stopped his hand.

"It's late, half of Kirkwall are on the streets hoping to rob you," he insisted.

"Varric," she spoke his name again, and something in her tone Varric never heard before. It was a warning, a warning so set in determination that to ignore it would be akin to getting into a fight and hoping not to be kicked. "I will walk myself home. I'm fine."

He said nothing else and simply walked her to the exit from his rooms.

He should have suspected something when she said she was fine.

                     

Now, standing in the main hall of Skyhold, surrounded by Orlesian and Fereldan nobles, Varric was smelling the same aroma. He didn't know what to do. He was picking apart all the words she and he exchanged when she came upon his call. Her hair was shorter and a few wrinkles sprung around her eyes like lace. Before departing to Adamant, when he kept telling her to be safe, she told him she'd be fine.

"I should've figured you out back then," he grumbled. " _You were always a liar._ "

The air around him shifted. Turning to his left, Varric saw Cole. The kid was holding pinecones in his hands.

"I throw them into the fire like her, but it doesn't help," he sung out with a note of frustration. "You're still hurting."

"I figured it was you," Varric rubbed his eyes. "And it won't help. Nothing will."

"But I want your pain to stop!" Cole looked at Varric. His bright eyes were widened as he examined the dwarf.

"Some pains can't be stopped, Cole, and this is one can't even be eased." For no reason Varric felt anger building up in him. He only wanted to be alone. Knowing his emotions were like an open book for the kid, he decide to walk away. As his back turned to Cole, he heard him speak:

"Fire burning logs to ashes, hands covered in soot as she throws them in. Warm and gentle, safe and kind, he feels like home. Maker, oh, Maker, I am _so sorry_. She made him mad, and herself - sad. But he will be sad, too, if the smell stops. Because it is her smell. I need a lot more pinecones."

With a soft gust of wind, Cole disappeared. In the corner of his eye, Varric noticed the beige spot which was the Inquisitor. Feeling it was time to have a talk, Varric closed his eyes. He swallowed a lump that was stuck in his throat.

Hawke really was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mighty fine example of my whim writing. I had the idea in my head for a while, but the story was written down in this form within an hour or so. If you found any typos and other mistakes, please, notify me. I hope you enjoyed reading this :) Thank you for your time!


End file.
